Am I Addicted To Sex?

When sex begins to interfere with your daily life, becomes a preoccupation to where you’re distracted from life tasks, or if sex controls your behavior instead of you “being in the driver’s seat”, these are all indicators that there may be a addiction at play. Additional factors cited by Simpson include loss of boundaries and having sex with less discrimination and discernment, sexual activities becoming increasingly risky, continued acting-out despite physical/financial/emotional costs, sexual obsession, loss of time and energy, and neglect of self-care and important responsibilities. Increasing powerlessness and unmanageability are the hallmarks of a developing sexual addiction.

Have you ever wondered if your sexual behavior is problematic? Just like with any addiction, denial can minimize the seriousness of your situation and “conveniently” block from awareness the reality of what’s truly going on. It can be easy to get swept up in the myth that to be gay means to have lots of casual sex and that there’s no limits to what’s acceptable, especially with the gay culture being sexualized by the media and the community itself at times. This is not to pathologize sexual freedom or to condemn those who are liberal with their sexual behavior; it merely points to the importance of establishing a definition of what constitutes healthy sexuality and responsibility to avoid negative repercussions for it’s potential mishandling. The Gay Men Sexual Addiction Screening Test is an assessment tool to help you evaluate your sexual activity. Go to the following site and complete the survey and see how you score: www.sexhelp.com/gsast.cfm . Use the results from this information to gauge any possible “red flags” in your current sexual behavior.

Why We Get Addicted

All behavior is purposeful. Everything we do has meaning and is intended to meet some kind of need, goal, or result. The origins of sexual addiction are unique to each individual and span biological and psychological motivations. The following are some underlying causes that may drive a person to act-out sexually, according to Simpson.

• Excitement: the need to experience an adrenaline rush, super-charged by risk and novelty.

• Comfort: sex as a way to cope with stress and bring about relief and relaxation; may also be a way to reward oneself for a positive accomplishment.

• Escape: a need to enter a trance-like state to avoid feelings; can be a disinhibitor and cause one to do things normally resisted.

• Affirmation: sex as a way to feel valued and validated; can act as a self-esteem boost and meets a need for wanting to be wanted and to matter.

• Helplessness: as a way to confirm a core belief that one has about believing he is defective and inferior.

• Power: sex as a way to fill psychological voids using dominance and control over another.

• Revenge: anger becomes eroticized and psychological wounds are acted-out.

If you have issues with sexual compulsivity, what unmet needs drive your sexual acting-out? It’s important to pinpoint your motives so that these needs can be addressed and met in more healthy ways. What hurts? What’s missing in your life? How does your sexuality manifest itself?

Getting A Handle On Your Impulses...