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New Year's Resolutions for Gay Couples
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the number one question I get asked most often by gay couples is,
unsurprisingly, “How do I make my relationship better?”
So, in line
with the holiday and beginning of a New Year, I thought I’d write a
short blurb that lists some possible action steps you might take to
improve your partnership in the coming year.
We’ve all heard of making
personal New Year’s Resolutions like “I’m going to lose weight this
year” or “I’m going to go to the health club more often”, but what
would happen if we expanded upon that concept and created Resolutions
for our relationships as couples?
With our
busy lifestyles and excessive demands placed upon our time, it can be
very easy to take our relationships for granted and unconsciously
place them on the low end of our priority scales. And with those
couples who have been together for a long time, it’s even easier to
settle into comfortable routines and patterns (as if on auto-pilot) at
the expense of attending to and nurturing our relationship with our
partners.
This neglect is a primary reason for relationship discord,
boredom, and a host of other problems that begin to erode at the
foundation of our bonds as lovers/husbands.
Catapult
Your Relationship In The New Year!
Conscious
intention toward putting consistent energy into your relationship is
crucial for its longevity and success. So why not, as a couple, create
your own list of New Year’s Resolutions for your relationship and make
sure to attend to the items on your list. In fact, the actual act of
the two of you sitting down and developing a list would be a great
first item, something the two of you could creatively do that fosters
togetherness and mutual brainstorming on ways to super-charge your
connection. In essence, the two of you are creating a vision for your
relationship, and the pure act of doing that begins to cement more
intimacy between you as you have common goals to strive toward and
celebrate the successes along the way.
Need some
help creating some Resolutions? While it’ll have more meaning and
substance if you and your partner can create your own, here’s some
examples that you might use; they might even spark some additional
ideas of your own! Have at it, and enjoy the process!
Sample
Relationship New Year’s Resolutions
“For
this year , we as a couple, resolve to do the following for the
benefit and growth of our relationship…”
1. To
listen to each other without interrupting as a way to improve our
communication and validate each other’s perspectives on issues.
2. To take
notice of the “little things” we do and to acknowledge our observation
of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive strokes.
3. To make
more time for each other and restructure our schedules so that we have
more quality time and availability to go out on dates and enjoy each
other.
4. To make
love to each other with more passion, intensity, and creativity.
5. To
create a scrapbook of memories of our life together that will act as a
legacy of our relationship.
6. To make
sure that we have some kind of dialogue on a daily basis that keeps us
centered on each other and keeps the distractions of our lives at bay.
7. To
surprise each other with simple adorations of our love for each other,
whether it be flowers sent to the office or a love note slipped in our
briefcases.
8. To
attend personal growth workshops, couples’ retreats, sign up for
relationship coaching sessions, or read books that will help us keep
growing and developing as a couple.
9. To make
more friends and surround ourselves with positive people who will
affirm and support our relationship.
10.To work
through any self-esteem issues or internalized homophobia that either
one of us may have that interfere with us being able to show the world
that we are proud to be gay and a couple.
11.To say
“I love you” more often and take “Time-Outs” as needed when we’re
angry so we don’t escalate problems and say things that will hurt one
another.
12.To
ensure that we each have both an individual identity and an identity
as a couple to bring about more
balance/health to our partnership. Having outside interests, hobbies,
and passions will help bring more novelty and freshness to our lives.
13. To be
honest and direct with our feelings and needs instead of keeping
things to ourselves. We also will avoid placing blame on each other
and will acknowledge mistakes and take responsibility accordingly.
Conclusion
And the
list can go on and on. Fine-tune these, as well as the ones you’ve
come up with so that they are specific, concrete, and measurable. This
way, you both know exactly what you have to do to accomplish the goals
you’ve set because they’re spelled out with no “wiggle-room” for
sabotage, and you’ll ensure that they’re achievable. Prioritize your
items and only focus on a few initially so as not to get too
overwhelmed.
Maintain
these tasks, and your commitment will soar to new heights! Reward
yourselves for jobs well done and periodically assess and check-in
with each other to gauge how you’re doing and if any revisions or
additions need to be made. Happy New Year, and all the best with your
new relationship goals and objectives !
© Brian L. Rzepczynski, All Rights Reserved.
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the free Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, visit The Gay Love Coach online.
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